Epiphany Sunday, 2015, started as any normal day would. On the way to church, my mom and I stopped by to visit my aunts and grandma. Aunt Joy was extremely ill; barrel chested and short of breath. After a short back and forth; my mom said, "call an ambulance." It wasn't so much a statement as a question, suggestion even. Ironically, she had an epiphany. ( Epiphany: an intuitive grasp of reality through something usually simple and striking). Over the next few days, Joy ended up in the CCU at Northeast Regional and was ultimately transported to Columbia's University Hospital.
As the family's medical advocate, my mom could not be with my grandma and in Columbia. I made the decision to go in her place. Joni and I arrived at University Hospital Tuesday evening accompanied by Joy's daughter. By Wednesday afternoon, the prognosis was grim. The doctor asked the family to consider removing the full code (life saving measures) to a DNR (do not resuscitate). Joy was in a coma, on a ventilator and medically paralyzed. Her body was fighting so hard to breath that she was exhausting herself.
My grandpa made the decision to remove the full code. He was an amazing man. He will get his own blog post...
Wednesday evening several family members came to visit and essentially say their goodbyes. It was almost 11 p.m. when we finally laid down in the waiting room to try to rest. I was beyond exhausted but I could not sleep. Something was tugging at my heart. I was drawn to Joy. I went and sat in her hospital room. I didn't know why but I knew I needed to be there.
Not knowing what to do, I turned on the television. God's Not Dead (or Heaven is for Real) was on one of the movie channels. I had never seen the movie so I stopped to watch. All I remember is singing Amazing Grace and Jesus Loves Me; talking to Aunt Joy about the love of Jesus and what heaven was like.
After about 45 minutes, exhaustion hit me like a brick. I had fulfilled my purpose; a purpose that became clear as I stood up to say good night. As I stood beside the bed and prepared to exit, I said goodbye. As I stood in tears, a forceful exhale sent the smell of death into the room. I recognized the implications but didn't realize how short time had become.
Approximately 12 hours later, Joy had a seizure and was removed from the ventilator. Per the DNR, no life saving measures were performed. As Joni and I watched, our beloved Joy left this earth. I had no choice, I was the mighty oak. I held my Aunt Joni up off the floor as her heart shattered into a million pieces.
January 8, Elvis Presley's date of birth. One day before my birthday, my Aunt Joy died and my heart broke. Grandmas are supposed to die when they're old. My grandmothers were extremely ill, I prayed for peace and mercy against their pain. I prayed for heavenly healing upon them. Who knew...
Who knew that we would not only mourn the matriarch of our family but also her baby. My youngest aunt. She was a teenager when I was born. My grandma died 16 days later. I prayed every day for God to take her pain and suffering from her. I woke up each morning hoping she had passed in the night. I went to bed each night hoping she would pass before the morning came. For two weeks, I cried and cried as I asked God for mercy.
Soon after, I found this song. How can you not be comforted by this uplifting depiction of one's arrival and acceptance into Heaven. What a party!
Unfortunately, today I am not comforted. As our community mourns the loss of two small children, I don't find solace in the party that took place in Heaven this morning. My heart breaks over and over again for the parents and family of the two little angels. My heart aches for my friends and coworkers who spent the day mourning silently while caring for and teaching the little minds left behind.
My tribute:
Heavenly Father, as you welcome the angel babies into your kingdom, please keep their parents in your loving care. I ask you, Lord, to comfort all who cared for them. Thank you for the precious time they were given here on earth and let it not be in vain. In Jesus' name. Amen.
Knowing What I Know About Heaven
Knowing What I Know About Heaven
Every sweet refrain of amazing grace
And the Heaven's hands opened up the gate
And the children dance when they saw Your face
As happy as they were to see You coming
I was just as sad to have to watch You go, go but
Knowing what I know about Heaven
Believing that you're all the way home
Knowing that you're somewhere better
Is all I need to let you go
I could hope that I could pray you're back
But why on earth would I do that
When you're somewhere, life and love never ends
Oh, knowing what I know about heaven
Where every single voice makes a joyful noise
How sweet the sound when the saints rejoice
To every broken heart and every wounded soul
New life begins on streets of gold
But every tear that's raining here from my eyes
I know the sun is shining where you are
Oh, knowing what I know about Heaven
Believing that you're all the way home
Knowing that you're somewhere better
Is all I need to let you go
I could hope that I could pray you're back
But why on earth would I do that
When you're somewhere, life and love never ends
Oh, knowing what I know about Heaven
I could hope that I could pray you're back
But why on earth would I do that
When you're somewhere, life and love never ends
Oh, knowing what I know about Heaven
Songwriters: Billy Austin / Dave Robbins / Sarah Ann Darling
Knowing What I Know About Heaven lyrics © Audiam, Inc
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