Per usual, this blog is inspired by a song. Here is the link if you want to listen before you read the blog. I will post the lyrics at the bottom of the blog.
Mercy Me "Say I Won't"
I'm back! I have been encouraged to start blogging again, this time focusing on my current health journey. I am starting with some backstory so bear with me. Today, I have decided to be a STAR. I'm going to stop, take a deep breath (and), relax and write. I hope you find this entertaining, interesting and maybe, just maybe, some of you will be led to take action if you are having health issues.
Two thousand- twenty was a shit show (pardon my language). That is a different bag I won't even open. As someone who already struggles with mental wellness, it was a very difficult year. I am not discounting the emotional damage caused just by the pandemic; just being real here. Like a lot of people, I spent 10 weeks in quarantine while utilizing "distance" learning to stay in contact and support with my toddlers. My work life was turned upside down.
As an active member in our church worship services, the need for distance church services turned that aspect of my life upside down. I was not needed in the ways I was at "in-person" worship. My relationship with "church" was still recovering from a period of uncertainty and instability as well. It was a time of difficulty for all of us. I will say that my church and I were blessed to have a pastor and leader who, despite his own unspoken trials, stood strong and carried us through.
I am not one that handles change well, especially sudden change. I need time to prepare myself for change. I find this quote appropriate for the sudden changes I have experienced in my life.
Two thousand-twenty was not that level of difficult but it was uncomfortable. My work life was thrown into change, the church and social aspects and routine were changed. These changes combined with the emotional fears of an unknown illness, weighed heavy on me.
I'm not going to lie, I know this downhill health spiral started long before 2020. I would say it has been 20, or more, years in the making; an avalanche that finally reached rock bottom. I was seriously stung by venom insects (bees or wasps) between 1998 and 2000. I have probably mentioned this in previous blogs. If not, I was stung while mowing my yard. I mowed up over a sawed off stump and it had a hive of wood baring bees that took offense at my disrupting them. My mom stopped counting, I believe, at 100 stings.
For our purposes, I am going to fast forward to the last half of 2020. I felt horrible. I went to work, I came home and went to bed. I just barely had enough energy to get through the work day; even then it was God carrying me I'm sure. I had constant respiratory issues; asthma, bronchitis, environmental allergies, sinus infections. I was tested for C-19 at least 4 times because of the symptoms of these different things. I had just about convinced myself that this was my life and all it would ever be. I think that was around November, 2020.
I struggled through the holiday seasons and into the new year; merely existing. In the back of my mind I had always wondered if the bee sting incident had caused adverse affects. In late January, I starting doing some loose research online for anything that would give me some answers. I found this thing called Histamine Intolerance (HI). I'm not going to go into what it is, I will post a link to an article I found useful if you would like to know more. After lots of reading and internet "doctoring" I decided to try the suggestions given for a HI diet.
Histamine Intolerance by Healthline
**Keep in mind, I knew cow's milk/dairy was something I had some degree of allergy to. I stayed away from milk, ice cream, cottage cheese altogether and very rarely consumed sour cream. I enjoy all of these things but I experienced respiratory symptoms (wheezing, shortness of breath, coughing, asthma, bronchitis) after eating these things so I refrained as often as I could. I did not feel like cooked milk was an issue so I continued eating items that contained milk or milk products. CHEESE. I love cheese. I could never give up cheese.
Back to the histamine elimination diet. I haphazardly stopped eating processed (canned, boxed) foods, I cut out heavily preserved meats (nitrates), and I bought an app where I could track what I ate and record any symptoms I had. Within the first two days, I had more energy. I had more patience and tolerance. I started on a Monday. On Friday after work, I decided to try taco bell for supper. I had been doing really well so it was a treat. Within an hour I was wheezing; I woke up Saturday morning and my face and neck were puffy and swollen. I was miserable. At first, I had good days and bad days. That was a bad day.
By this time it was March and I was eating primarily eggs and potatoes. Although I felt better and I didn't feel like dying every day, I still wasn't healthy. I decided to see an allergist. I wanted answers. I was improving but what could I do to continue to improve. My first visit with the local allergist, I had environmental allergy testing. I am allergic to the usual suspects; mold, grasses, dogs.
At this point, HI was my life line. I was eating to treat histamine intolerance and I was improving. I went back the next week to have food allergy testing. I tested positive for a cow's milk allergy and a sensitivity to cantaloupe. Random... When I tried to ask questions about HI, I didn't get the response I wanted. The doctor dismissed my questions. He and I had a heated exchange, my mom mediating. I look back now and realize I needed validation. The HI diet I had started was helping and I needed to know I was moving in the right direction. Strangely enough, I still like the guy.
The last time I saw the allergist was on April 19, 2021. We agreed to see each other in a year to do fresh allergy testing. After getting a definite positive reaction to cow's milk, I decided to take it much more seriously than I ever had. I look back and feel blessed by the presence of God that I am still alive. I know I lived on borrowed time more than once. I had severe reactions that could have seriously hurt me. I just didn't know what I was dealing with.
I have cut dairy out completely. I have continued to eat as cleaning as possible. I try to eat organic. If I am eating out of a can, I try to eat items that have less than 5 ingredients. Fresh vegetables weren't a good option for me; I just didn't get them eaten fast enough. I eat frozen vegetables. I READ LABELS! I haven't given up Dr. Pepper. I'm only a couple of months in and I couldn't give it all up at once. I don't do fast food. I know where I can eat if going out. I have learned that asking for "no cheese" is not the same as "I have a dairy allergy". That A-word is taken very seriously. And it should be.
The first time I went to a "party" after my cow's milk allergy diagnosis, I was extremely unprepared. I managed to get a few potatoes right off the stove before anything was added to them. The only other thing I could eat that day was celery. I learned that I have to be prepared. I take my own meals to social gatherings and church functions. I spend hours on the weekend making sure I have prepared freezer meals to eat throughout the week.
This change in lifestyle has been hard. It will continue to be hard but I have the motivation to do it. My motivation is LIFE. I have energy to work all day and still be a productive person when I get home. I have the energy to go shopping on the weekends. Most days, I feel good. I didn't realize how bad I felt until I started having good days. The good days are my life, my motivation.
This song has become my anthem. I am learning what it means to live and not just be alive.
Say I Won't Lyrics
Today
It all begins
I'm seeing my life for the very first time
Through a different lens
Yesterday
I didn't understand
Driving 35 with the rocket inside
Didn't know what I had
While I've been waiting to live
My life's been waiting on me
I'm gonna run
No, I'm gonna fly
I'm gonna know what it means to live
And not just be alive
The world's gonna hear
'Cause I'm gonna shout
And I will be dancing when circumstances drown the music out
Say I won't
Not enough
Is what I've been told
But it must be a lie
'Cause the Spirit inside says I'm so much more
So let them say what they want
Oh, I dare them to try
I'm gonna run
No, I'm gonna fly
I'm gonna know what it means to live
And not just be alive
The world's gonna hear
'Cause I'm gonna shout
And I will be dancing when circumstances drown the music out
Say I won't
Say I won't
Say I won't
Say I won't
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
So keep on saying I won't
And I'll keep proving you wrong
I'm gonna run
No, I'm gonna fly
I'm gonna know what it means to live
And not just be alive
This world's gonna hear, whoa
'Cause I'm gonna shout
And I will be dancing when circumstances drown the music out
Say I won't
Say I won't
Say that I won't
Oh, say I won't
Say I won't
Songwriters: Bart Millard / Jordan Mohilowski
